Sunday, December 14, 2014

Being a Club Photographer taught me a few things

Sure, I'm not what you'd call a ~big time~ photographer, but nonetheless, I am able to experience one of those jobs everyone thinks is fun. The club photographer. I fell into it because I have a camera and friends who run events, and apparently I'm a decent shooter. I learnt a few things though, some I wish I hadn't and some I also wish I hadn't.

1) Insurance is key
To the girl who poured her $7 Bourbon & coke on my (disclosed amount) Nikon camera, lens and flash gun; you suck. I wouldn't be saying this if you had apologized, but instead you came running after me saying "doesn't that suck? This is my last drink, I'M BROKE". My camera is making a steady recovery, in case you cared.  

2) Selfies are cool again 
*Every second person in the crowd* "LETS TAKE A SELFIE, THE PHOTOGRAPHER NEEDS A PHOTO TOO H3H3H3HAHS5#4$6G". In this situation, when I do oblige (from fear of being followed to death), I often get licked or kissed whilst the selfie takes place. 

3) Everyone else is a photographer too
There is a constant stream of people grabbing and pulling my camera from my hands only to have a turn themselves. Its like everyone turns into this ruthless desperate being, hungry for the flesh of a human, except in this case its my camera.

4) You're the hottest girl in the club
When I have no camera, I may as well be a junkie's scrotum with hair glued onto it, because not only am I ignored, but I have an almost repulsive effect on the *males* in "Da Club". When I have a camera, I almost need to lube myself up with the human equivalent of mosquito spray and light citronella candles to ward off the male suitors.

5) It's so much fun and all of the above is often ignored regularly because I get to do things like this:

Sunday, November 16, 2014

I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker colour

There have been countless occasions where someone has told me 'STOP WEARING BLACK, WEAR COLOUR ITS SO MUCH NICER'. 9/10 times its my mother, and 10/10 times its annoying. There are plenty of reasons you should keep wearing black.

(1) You can cook bacon
Black means you can cook bacon and eat Soup dumplings, or cream filled cronuts and truffled truffles sprinkled with truffle oil. Black doesn't stain.

(2) Your ensemble will always match
One time, I was wondering if my black leather dress matched the shade of my black bomber jacket, and then I remembered all shades of black match, because they're all black. Black.

(3) You're fre$h 24 sevsies
The other night, I finished my night at 10am. Walking to get a taxi in the clothing from the night before wasn't that bad, BECAUSE IT WAS ALL BLACK. Only the cab driver threw me a 'you look like you just came from the party' comment.

(4) It matches your soul
You're probably a bad person. You leave gum under tables, and put empty milk cartons back in the fridge, and you probably use the express checkout when you have 9723486 items. Don't wear some sort of bright colour to deceive people, let them know how horrible you are.

(5) You'll always look unapproachable
Because we all know people are annoying and the less they approach you asking for the time, or some gum or to feel your butt, the better.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Lady Ga(y) Ga(y) @ Allphones Arena Sydney 30th August

Lady fucking Gay Gay, was so cray cray and incredible-ay (Call up a talent agent I'm the next Iggy Azelea). This bitch does not play around when it comes to a concert. With a constant stream of at least 500kg of confetti being poured into the audience and Gaga's A$$ in a thong all night long, I was a happy monster.

BUT before I get all gaga over Lady, I will mention that it did feel like she didn't have her heart in it. She had her tits out at some point, and shook them around, but dammit that doesn't always mean you're enjoying yourself (even though it does mean that when it comes to me). Voice was amazing, costumes, dancers, stage and routines too; but it seemed rehearsed and rushed. That's all I'll say, don't worry though, I'm still a superfan.

ASOS knitted set | Adidas originals Superstars | Casio watch | Monki custom bomber 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

GIVE ME Givenchy (& Jimmy Edgar) @ Motorik 8th August

If I was a DJ, I would wish that I had Jimmy's tunes (and incredibly extensive knowledge in techno music as well as exquisite taste in tracks that go untz untz).

I'm not gonna lie, because I owe I it to myself to accept the truth. My night ended at 2am. Hi my name is Renata and I am a weak bitch. It was even my birthday that night, but by god I swear I am 20 going on 55. Even after a shot of Patron XO (not regrettable) and a can of Red Bull (regrettable). But I can fully assure you, that before I vouched for no pants, a Billy Idol shirt and bed, I was completely transported to a land of untz bang pow by a Mr Edgar. What a sexy sexy set that was (well, the parts I heard). Come back already Jimmy, next time I'll be sure to track down some Ritalin from my hyperactive friends and increase my Patron XO intake by at least 130%.

SONS Tee | American Apparel Tennis skirt | Givenchy clutch | Windsor Smith boots

Special thanks to Voena for making me look not as exhausted as I felt. 

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Nine Inch Nails & Queens of the Stone Age 6th March

Yeah. I got to see these heavyweights perform back to back in my own hometown. I may have had fun, whatever.
The air was thick with the smell of damp t-shirts, watered down beer and lit buds. Once you got over the fact that you were at one point in the night going to be covered in beer, have your face grazed across a sweaty back, and be punched somewhere, you would have been in for a night. Before commenting on the delicious set these guys performed, I have to hand it to the crowd. They were absolutely throbbing, and I have bruises, but oh god it was so much fun. I've been in some terrible mosh pits in my time, and this was probably the most considerate, caring pit of people I have the pleasure to share a show with. 
Now, the music. It was so entirely refreshing to watch artists play tight, timely sets. No encores, no revolving stages, no confetti canons. They came on stage, played brilliantly and left.  And it was one of the best sets I've watched, and, I've been to every Gaga show in Sydney. 
So all in all, well done NIN and QotSA, I commend you on your musical expertise, PLEASE COME BACK AGAIN. 

Sorry for the shocking iPhone photos, and here's an additional picture of me sipping free champagne before heading in. Is this picture be the correct application of the term 'Ballin'? #Discuss 

White halter top | Choker | BDG Supa high-waisted jeans | Doc Martens 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Spiritual celebration of a Dance legend: I'M WITH AJAX @ Club 77 22nd February

Mind, body, spirit and soul were bathed in luscious rave anthems. It was certainly a night of tribute that the
late dance legend AJAX would have been proud of. DJ Damage, Jamie Doom, Dangerous Dan, Gus Da Hoodrat and  Double Nolan, with their DJ powers combined it was a delicious, rave-y, sweaty, and very rare night. Please stop now if you're already jealous, because I'm just going to make it worse. Holllaaa. 
The queues were around the corner, but it was so worth the wait. With songs like MR OIZO's 'Cut Dick' (if you haven't heard this check it out NOW) and Tiga's Remix of Märtini Brös's 'Big & Dirty', being dropped, it just became too much goodness for me to handle.
Not to mention they were flipping records and all wearing matching 'I'M WITH AJAX' tees. 
Everyone at some point in the night was able to scream/cry/laugh/yell 'OH MY GOD THIS IS MY FAVORITE
SONG EVER'. Which just added to the overall joy of the night.
Lots of shirtlessness, lots of killer tracks, lots of fake flowers lots of everything good really. 

Velvet Open back top | Micheal Kors boyf watch | Media MAC lipstick | Topshop PVC skirt | ZU platform sandals 

Photos by Voena 

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Louisahhh!!! x Maelstrom @ MOTORIK 15th February

It seems like just yesterday I drunkly stumbled into my first Motorik, to see the leading lady of Techno herself, Louisahhh!!!. This time we were short of a secret warehouse, but the Tunes were still scrumptious and the patrons still absolutely thriving from the the XTC, NRG etc etc. Louisahhh!!! and Maelstrom took to the decks at 2am, by then, things had taken a turn for the turnt up. The crowd was more than pleased to finally have their minds, bodies and souls assaulted with house-music-all-night-long. It was a 3 hour set. 3 HOURS OF TECHO GOODNESS, or should I say GOONness. Bangers were dropped, left right and center, absolute bangers of tracks were neatly slid into their set. Canblasters remix of Funkin Matt feat Teki Latex's Get Loose, Jubilee & Burt Fox's Keys Wallet Phone, Louisahhh!!! & Maelstrom's Make It Happen, just to name a few. 
When it all finally came to an end, the sun was out, the patrons were wired and I was done with lyf. At some point in the night I met Louisahhh!!! and I don't remember the exact conversation I had with her, but I'm sure I would have been yelling the whole time, and also said something along the lines of "FSDDOSDFSEODSyouareamazing".

Black was my color of choice, to reflect the emptiness of my soul and because I was too lazy to coordinate any sort of color scheme. 

Obviously the joy was too much for me to handle #toomuch

Black mesh trimmed dress | 90s choker | Gold body chain | Fluffy thing bag | Blue Kimchi bralette 
Photos: Voena and a little bit of editing from me.