Being a Club Photographer taught me a few things

Sure, I'm not what you'd call a ~big time~ photographer, but nonetheless, I am able to experience one of those jobs everyone thinks is fun. The club photographer. I fell into it because I have a camera and friends who run events, and apparently I'm a decent shooter. I learnt a few things though, some I wish I hadn't and some I also wish I hadn't.

1) Insurance is key

To the girl who poured her $7 Bourbon & coke on my (disclosed amount) Nikon camera, lens and flash gun; you suck. I wouldn't be saying this if you had apologized, but instead you came running after me saying "doesn't that suck? This is my last drink, I'M BROKE". My camera is making a steady recovery, in case you cared.  

2) Selfies are cool again 

*Every second person in the crowd* "LETS TAKE A SELFIE, THE PHOTOGRAPHER NEEDS A PHOTO TOO H3H3H3HAHS5#4$6G". In this situation, when I do oblige (from fear of being followed to death), I often get licked or kissed whilst the selfie takes place. 

3) Everyone else is a photographer too

There is a constant stream of people grabbing and pulling my camera from my hands only to have a turn themselves. Its like everyone turns into this ruthless desperate being, hungry for the flesh of a human, except in this case its my camera.

4) You're the hottest girl in the club

When I have no camera, I may as well be a junkie's scrotum with hair glued onto it, because not only am I ignored, but I have an almost repulsive effect on the *males* in "Da Club". When I have a camera, I almost need to lube myself up with the human equivalent of mosquito spray and light citronella candles to ward off the male suitors.

5) It's so much fun and all of the above is often ignored regularly because I get to do things like this:

I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker colour

There have been countless occasions where someone has told me 'STOP WEARING BLACK, WEAR COLOUR ITS SO MUCH NICER'. 9/10 times its my mother, and 10/10 times its annoying. There are plenty of reasons you should keep wearing black.

(1) You can cook bacon
Black means you can cook bacon and eat Soup dumplings, or cream filled cronuts and truffled truffles sprinkled with truffle oil. Black doesn't stain.

(2) Your ensemble will always match
One time, I was wondering if my black leather dress matched the shade of my black bomber jacket, and then I remembered all shades of black match, because they're all black. Black.

(3) You're fre$h 24 sevsies
The other night, I finished my night at 10am. Walking to get a taxi in the clothing from the night before wasn't that bad, BECAUSE IT WAS ALL BLACK. Only the cab driver threw me a 'you look like you just came from the party' comment.

(4) It matches your soul
You're probably a bad person. You leave gum under tables, and put empty milk cartons back in the fridge, and you probably use the express checkout when you have 9723486 items. Don't wear some sort of bright colour to deceive people, let them know how horrible you are.

(5) You'll always look unapproachable
Because we all know people are annoying and the less they approach you asking for the time, or some gum or to feel your butt, the better.